Mondays at the Bluebird
by funloverrr
Summary: This story is set around the time when Rayna fires Deacon. Things between them have been tense for weeks. What will happen when Rayna goes to watch Deacon perform at the Bluebird?
1. Chapter 1

It's Monday night and Deacon is planning to sing at the Bluebird tonight. It has been a rough week and he needs to release his emotions. He needs to play his music. For the past 13 years, Deacon has played almost every Monday night at the Bluebird. It has been essential for his mental health. It has been his lifeline. It has helped him to stay sober.

Without Rayna in his life, he needs Monday nights at the Bluebird. If he can't talk to her, then he knows he must express his thoughts through his music. He can't hold everything in. He can't allow it to build up because he will succumb to the pressure.

Every Monday night for the past 13 years, Deacon has hoped that Rayna would come to see him perform. He plays music for her. He sings his heart out, hoping that she will somehow hear him and that his words will call her back into his arms. She has only shown up a few times and he knows that her decision to avoid the Bluebird on Monday nights has been a wise one. His music is full of raw emotions and the lyrics are always for her. If she had frequented the Bluebird on Monday nights, they would not have been able to resist their emotions for as long as they have.

Deacon drives to the Bluebird in silence. He doesn't turn on the radio because he knows he will hear one of her songs if he does. He doesn't want to hear her voice right now. He needs to clear his head before his performance and hearing her voice would put his mind into overdrive. He stares into the dark night, trying to focus on his destination. He doesn't want to think of her. Thinking of her will only cause trouble.

Their relationship has always been tense but these past few weeks have been especially hard on them. Deacon knows that she is struggling with her marriage. He knows that her home life has been taking its toll on her.

Ever since she has been married, they have maintained a relationship. Now that she has fired him, they no longer have the one thing that was keeping them both sane. They can't talk like they used to. They can't thrive on the sexual tension. They can't turn to each other to get past the tough times. Even though neither of them wants to admit it, they are sinking without each other.

As he approaches the turn for the Bluebird, he glances in his rearview mirror. He almost can't believe his eyes.

_Am I hallucinating? _

He sees her SUV behind him. He can make out the shape of her body but he can't make out many details in the dark. He doesn't need to see the details to know that it is her. He would recognize her anywhere. It's almost as if he can sense her presence. He watches as she pulls into the parking lot behind him.

_What is she doing here?_

Deacon can't help but hope that she has come to her senses. He hopes that she has come to tell him she misses him, she can't stop thinking about him, and she needs him to rejoin her band.

Deacon takes his time getting out of the car, fiddling around in the glove box in an attempt to appear busy. He can hear the click of her heels. He knows that she is approaching. When the clicking stops, he knows that she is standing by his window but he continues to act busy. He needs to get his emotions in check before he can face her. He wants to appear strong, even though he is hurting.

He hears her tapping on the window. He looks up and attempts to look surprised. He opens the door a little bit so that he can talk to her.

"What're you doin here, Ray?" he asks evenly.

She shrugs her shoulders.

"I needed to get out of the house. You playin tonight?" she replies.

Deacon takes in her appearance. She looks as beautiful as ever. Her hair falls perfectly around her face. Her clothing accentuates her figure. Just looking at her turns him on.

"Yep. Been playin here on Monday nights for the past 13 years," he replies tensely.

Deacon sees her face harden at his tone. He notices that her eyes look red. He wonders if she has been crying.

"You wanna join me up there?" he asks, softening his tone as he tries to reach out to her.

She shakes her head.

"I think I'm just gonna watch tonight," she tells him.

"Suit yourself," he responds nonchalantly.

She remains quiet for a moment as she stands in the darkness. He watches her as she fidgets with her keys. She looks like she wants to say something. She opens her mouth briefly but no words come out. She takes a deep breath and looks away from him.

"See ya inside," she says as she turns and walks toward the door.

Deacon runs his hands through his hair as he watches her walk away. He can't believe that she is actually here. He tries to stop himself from getting his hopes up. He knows that she is still with Teddy.

_It doesn't mean anything. She's married. She's just here because she was bored. _

Deacon sighs.

_It's gonna be a long night_.

He locks his car and walks toward the door of the Bluebird. He doesn't know why Rayna is here but he knows that he isn't going to let this opportunity go to waste. He is going to play his heart out to her and hope for the best.


	2. Chapter 2

**The lyrics in this chapter are from the song "Anymore" by Travis Tritt. Thank you for all of the reviews. I decided to put this chapter in the first person. I usually write in the third person so this is a little different for me. Let me know what you think and if you think that I should continue to write the rest of the story in the first person or not.**

It isn't a good idea for me to be here tonight but Teddy and I had a fight… and I miss Deacon. I know it isn't smart to come here when Teddy and I are fighting because it means I'm weaker than normal. I'm more likely to give into temptation. These past few weeks, it's been harder than ever to stay away from Deacon.

My marriage has been falling apart for months but I haven't even wanted to admit it. I think I've always known the truth but I've been in denial. I know that Teddy and I are extremely unhappy. We haven't been happy in years. Our love has always been based more on comfort than passion but for most of our marriage that has been enough. In fact, it was exactly what I wanted at first. I wanted a stable, reliable man.

Unfortunately, things change. Deacon changed. He's been sober for 13 years. He has become the stable version of himself that I always wanted him to be. He is reliable. He no longer misses rehearsal or sound check. I don't have to go looking for him anymore. He is usually on time and he acts like a professional. I still worry about him but not in the same way that I had to worry about him 13 years ago. It makes me wonder what would have happened if I would have waited just one more time. I find myself fantasizing about what my life would be like if I was married to him instead of Teddy. I dream about Deacon. I can't get him out of my mind. Part of me doesn't even want to fix my marriage. Part of me just wants to run right into Deacon's arms and pretend that the last 14 years never even happened. The other part of me worries about the girls and feels bad for not being able to love Teddy in the same way that I love Deacon.

Obviously, it's a bad idea for me to be here right now. I know it's dangerous. I know that my emotions are already running wild and that whatever song Deacon chooses to sing will send me even further over the edge. I'm playing with fire but I don't want to stop. I don't want to leave. I want to see Deacon in his element. I want to hear exactly what he has to say. I need to hear what he has to say. I miss talking to him.

I see him walk up to the stage with his guitar in his hand. He looks gorgeous. He is wearing an old flannel shirt, blue jeans, and boots. I imagine what it would be like to run my hand through his hair. I can still remember the way it feels to kiss him and it makes me wish that I had taken a different path.

"Hey y'all," he says as he grabs the microphone.

His voice has always had a huge effect on me. It's low and smooth and extremely sexy. Just one word from him can send me over the edge. I take a deep breath trying to calm myself. I'm married. I need to be letting him go. I can't think things like this anymore. It's best for all of us if I just let him move on.

"I've got a special song for you tonight. It's a new one so I hope y'all like it," he says into the microphone.

I watch as he strums his guitar softly. Deacon does magical things with a guitar in his hands. Even after all of these years, it still amazes me sometimes. I listen closely as he begins to sing.

_I can't hide the way I feel about you anymore_

_I can't hold the hurt inside, keep the pain out of my eyes anymore_

_My tears no longer waiting, my resistance ain't that strong_

_My mind keeps recreating a life with you alone_

_And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore_

When I hear the first verse of his new song, I immediately realize that he is talking about us. His eyes stay focused on mine as he sings. I try not to get sucked into the moment. I've always known that he still loves me but this time he is saying it directly. He isn't tiptoeing around the truth. He is giving it to me straight. I sigh because I know that this will only make things harder. I have buried my feelings for him deep inside but I can't stop them from bubbling to the surface. I can tell that we have finally reached the breaking point. I'm not sure what to do. My marriage is at its breaking point and so is my relationship with Deacon. I feel guilty because I would rather save my relationship with Deacon. I don't want to lose him completely. I should be letting him go. I should have let him go a long time ago. I know that I can't. I don't want to let him go completely.

_Let me make one last appeal to show you how I feel about you_

_'Cause there's no one else I swear that holds a candle anywhere next to you_

_My heart can't take the beating, not having you to hold_

_A small voice keeps repeating deep inside my soul_

_It says I can't keep pretending I don't love you anymore_

My heart beats faster because I know what this song means. It means I need to make a decision. It's now or never. Deacon is laying it out there. He knows that I am here. He will expect a response from me.

_I've got to take the chance or let it pass by_

_If I expect to get on with my life_

I almost can't believe what I'm hearing. I know that Deacon has been holding this in for a long time. I know that he is taking a huge chance by singing this song right now. He is putting the ball in my court. The thought scares me. I don't want to make the wrong decision. I have already made too many decisions that I regret.

_My tears no longer waiting, oohh my resistance ain't that strong_

_But my mind keeps recreating a life with you alone_

_And I'm tired of pretending I don't love you anymore_

I take a deep breath as he finishes his song. I don't know what to do. I know what Deacon wants from me and a huge part of me wants the same thing but at the same time, I'm not ready to give up on my marriage.

"I hope y'all enjoyed that song. I'm gonna take a quick break and then play a few more," he says after the music stops.

I know that he is going to come over to talk to me. I think that I should probably make a quick escape. It would be easier for me to leave than it would be for me to deny my feelings for him yet again. I don't want to do this with him right now. I see him walk down from the stage and head over in my direction. I start to panic. I have no idea what I'm going to say to him.

I can smell his scent as he approaches. It is intoxicating to me. I know exactly what my heart wants but my head is going haywire.

"Hey darlin," Deacon says when he reaches me. "You like the song?"

I hesitate. What should I say to that?

"I like all of your songs, Deacon."

I try to keep my answer vague. I hope that he will not push any further but I know him and I know that he will.

"What did you think about this one?" he asks.

"It was nice," I reply, trying to keep it simple.

"Come on, Ray," he says impatiently.

He is making it so difficult for me. He knows what he is doing. I know what he wants to hear. I know exactly what he wants me to say. I'm just not sure that I can say it right now.

"Deacon," I say, trying to remind him of the line that we can't cross.

He takes a deep breath. He looks agitated.

"What're you really doin here, Ray?" he questions, skipping straight to the point.

He looks directly into my eyes and I know that he can see right through me. He knows that I've been struggling without him. He knows that I'm not happy with Teddy.

"I already told you," I reply.

He looks at me in disbelief.

"Rayna," he says.

The tone of his voice is commanding. I know that he knows I'm lying. He knows why I'm really here but he wants to hear me say it.

"Deacon, I can't," I answer.

My eyes are silently pleading with him. I can't do this right now. I need more time.

He looks away from me. I know that he is disappointed. It breaks my heart to disappoint him again but I can't tell him how I really feel. Telling him would change everything and I'm not ready for that yet. It takes everything in me to restrain myself from reaching out to grab his hand. I want to comfort him, to tell him that I still care, but I know that I can't.

"Okay, Ray. I gotta get back. I'll see ya around," he replies.

I watch him walk away. I take a deep breath. If things weren't so complicated, I would call out to him and tell him to come back. If things weren't so complicated, I would run right into his arms and kiss him in front of everyone. When I see him walk back up to the stage, I know that it is time to leave. I have to go back home. I have to go back to the life I have chosen for myself. I have to go back to Teddy.


	3. Chapter 3

I sit in my car, contemplating everything that just happened at the Bluebird. I grip the steering wheel tightly, unable to contain my aggravation. The crowd had clearly enjoyed the song but I hadn't been paying much attention to them. I had only focused on Rayna. I wanted her to understand, to feel everything I was feeling. I know she felt it but when I approached her, she continued to keep her distance.

My mind wanders and I think of her sitting at home with Teddy right now. The thought makes me sick. It should be me. She should be here. I should be the one holding her as she sleeps every night.

_Damn, Deacon. Why are you so dumb?_

I feel like a fool for hoping that there was still a chance because she had finally shown up to watch me perform. I feel like a damn fool because I can't seem to let her go. I've been trying to fight it but I can never break away from her. I take several calming breaths and put my car into gear. I head home for another quiet night alone, another night without Rayna.

When I pull up to the house, I'm surprised to see that Rayna is sitting on the porch waiting for me. I can hardly believe my eyes. I can't help thinking that this has to mean something. She came to watch me perform, she listened to my song, and now she is here waiting for me. Even though her presence gives me cause for hope, I am still doubtful. Perhaps she has only come to explain why we can't be together for the millionth time. Or maybe she just enjoys giving me hope and then ripping it away. I shake my head. There have been many times over the years that she has come so close and slipped away. It is like a dance that we have perfected over time. We both take a step towards each other and then she takes two steps back. That's how it has been ever since she married Teddy.

She looks up when she hears me approaching. I can't help but notice the way the moonlight shines in her hair. It makes her look even more beautiful than she normally does. I look into her eyes and I can tell that she feels conflicted.

"Hey," she says softly.

I sit down next to her on the step, accidentally brushing her hand in the process. I feel a shock run through my body. I miss touching her. I feel the familiar urge to wrap my arms around her but I restrain myself.

"Hey. You okay?" I ask her.

I hear her sigh. She looks down at her feet as she responds.

"No," she says quietly.

I look over at her and see a tear running down her face. My throat constricts with emotion. I hate to see her cry. I want to reach out to comfort her but I'm not sure if she will let me. I decide to take a chance. I reach out and rub her back soothingly. I'm relieved when she doesn't push my hand away. Instead, she seems to lean into my touch.

"What's wrong, Ray?" I inquire.

She hesitates a moment before answering.

"Everything is just so screwed up, Deacon. I don't know how I made such a mess of things," she replies.

I'm not sure if she is talking about her marriage or about us but I decide it is probably best if I don't know the answer to that anyways.

"Nah, Ray. You haven't made a mess at all. You're doin your best. You're doin what you think is right. That's all you can do," I say, trying to comfort her.

"That's just it, Deacon. Maybe my best isn't good enough. I mean, look at my marriage. I did my best to fix things with Teddy but it just keeps getting worse," she answers.

"Ray, listen to me. It's not your fault," I tell her firmly.

She pauses. I wonder what she is thinking about.

"Well, then, what about you? All I do is hurt you," she says.

I look over at her and see that she has turned towards me. She looks directly into my eyes. I feel myself getting lost in her.

"That's not on you, Ray. I messed things up a long time ago. If I hadn't made so many mistakes then everything would be different and you wouldn't have to hurt me," I reassure her.

Even though I wish she would've waited for me, I don't hold it against her.

We sit in silence for a few minutes. I begin to wonder why she is here. Why didn't she go home after she left the Bluebird?

"I want to leave Teddy," she blurts out, breaking the silence.

It shocks me to hear her say it out loud. I had always hoped that she would leave him one day but I never truly expected it to become a reality.

"Really?" I ask stupidly.

I want to kick myself. I feel like an idiot for not responding with sympathetic words.

"I'm not happy. I haven't been happy in years," she replies. "You remember what I told you on the bridge that day?"

I remember but I remain silent.

"I would change everything," she supplies.

I wonder what this all means for me.

"You sure about that, Ray?" I ask.

She looks me directly in the eyes.

"Yes."


	4. Chapter 4

I see the shocked look on Deacon's face and I almost laugh. He clearly wasn't expecting me to tell him that I want to leave my husband. I watch as he processes the information. His surprised expression is quickly replaced by a look that is full of hope. The look excites me. I know things are going to be rough in the coming weeks but I can't help thinking that Deacon and I might finally have a chance to be together. At the same time, my heart is being torn in many different directions. It aches for the girls, it sympathizes with Teddy, it is pained by my failure, it regrets the decisions I have made, and it clings to the possibility of romantically reuniting with Deacon. All of these different emotions make my head spin. I know I'm going to be riding an emotional rollercoaster for the next few months. I know that this is the calm before the storm.

Deacon remains quiet for a few minutes as he takes in the new information. He reaches out and grabs my hand. He squeezes it tightly, as if he is reminding me that he won't let go. In that instant, I feel safe and secure. I feel like he is my anchor.

"You know I'm here for you no matter what, Ray" he assures me.

"I know," I reply, squeezing his hand in return.

We sit together on the step, silently contemplating everything. I know I'm only delaying the inevitable by staying here. I can't avoid going home forever. I have to face Teddy and tell him the truth.

"I should get going," I tell Deacon after a few moments.

He nods his head.

"You gonna tell him tonight?" Deacon asks curiously.

"I probably should," I answer.

Saying it out loud makes it more real. I am going to tell Teddy that I want a divorce. The enormity of the whole situation hits me harder than it ever has in the past. My throat becomes tight with emotion. I feel tears falling down my face.

"Everything's gonna be okay, Ray. I promise," Deacon tells me.

I nod my head, unable to speak. I cover my face with my hands, attempting to regain my composure.

"Thanks, Deacon. I'll talk to you later," I say as I stand to leave.

"Call me if you need anything," he replies.

I smile at him softly. I'm thankful that he is still here for me. He has always been here for me.

I drive home slowly. I try to remain composed. I want to appear strong in front of Teddy. I have never been able to share my emotions with Teddy the same way that I can with Deacon and I don't plan on letting my guard down now.

When I pull up to the house, I take a look around. I wonder how I actually ended up here. I never pictured this life for myself.

I walk into the house and see Teddy standing in the kitchen.

"Hey," I say, announcing my presence.

Teddy still appears to be angry from our fight earlier.

"Where've you been?" he asks, his tone full of suspicion and accusation.

"I went to the Bluebird," I tell him.

His eyes flash with anger.

"To see him?" he questions.

I don't need to ask whom he is talking about. I know he is talking about Deacon. Teddy has always hated Deacon and the relationship that I have with him.

"No. I just needed a change of scenery," I reply.

Teddy looks like he doesn't believe me but he lets it go.

The whole exchange reminds me of all of the reasons that I want to leave. I'm so tired of feeling like this. I can't take it anymore. I always feel trapped and lonely. Sometimes I feel like I can't even be myself. I know I can't be in this shadow of a marriage any longer. I have to tell him now.

"I can't do this anymore," I tell him, my voice remaining surprisingly steady.

"Do what?" he asks.

I point my finger between us.

"This. Us. Our marriage," I explain. "I want a divorce."

He sighs but he doesn't appear to be surprised by my words.

"Because you want to be with him?" Teddy asks.

I try to contain my anger. I'm sick of Teddy insinuating things about Deacon and I. I have always been faithful to him and I don't deserve to be treated like this.

"No, Teddy. Because we're both unhappy and we have been for years," I tell him, keeping my emotions in check.

Teddy nods his head.

"We can tell the girls in the morning," he says.

I'm surprised by how easily he gives in. Knowing that he doesn't even care enough to fight me on this only makes me feel more confident about my decision.

"Okay," I agree.

He starts to walk away. After a few steps he turns back around to face me.

"I hope you don't regret this, Rayna," he says.

I look at him but remain silent. He retreats into the other room. I take a deep breath. The whole exchange has gone better than I expected but I'm very stressed about what might happen next. Teddy's words ring in my ears. I hope I don't regret this either. I hope I haven't made another huge mistake.


End file.
